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Abiding in Prior Happiness

Dorota Kosinska

Dorota KosinskaA native of Poland, Dorota Kosinska lives in Toronto where she works with her husband in the construction industry. A member of the Adidam Canada Community, her primary service there is serving as the rep from Eastern Canada on the Adidam Cooperative Forum.

Looking Backward

How did it all start? In a moment of suffering, I was looking for the Divine!

I came to Canada from Poland 22 years ago in1988 and had to learn English quickly, find a job, support my daughter in Poland until I could bring her to Canada, and that was very trying. Fortunately, some time earlier, I had met a man in Poland, who was to become my second husband. He had come to Canada 6 months earlier and we were in touch again once I arrived.

A Trying Start

He and I opened a restaurant a year or so later and things started out well. But before long, we had to sell the business and file for bankruptcy. Our relationship was on the rocks and I found myself trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was unhappy. But we stuck with it. Slowly but surely, we built a new construction business and we stayed together. Some years later we had it all, a huge new house and lots of money. Our relationship was better than ever, we were able to party and travel. It seemed that my life should be perfect, but I felt exactly the same as when we had nothing. I was still unhappy and I asked myself why?

I got myself a pet dog to take on my walks and that's when things began to change. For the first time in my life, I took time for myself, noticing the trees and sky while suffering my ordeal of being unhappy for no apparent reason. Still, I had no idea what the heck was going on with me. Soon, I began to remember God from my early Christian upbringing and called for Jesus' help. I even felt him walking with me, his support. In reality, I was begging for God - wanting to find God.

All the while, I was reading new age books and studying metaphysics and came to know a native Indian medicine man who introduced me to meditation and energy work, getting in touch with things new to me -- things never been spoken of in our church. A combination of those things made me want to find out more.

One day on my walk with the dog, I was really broken and fell on my knees sobbing, asking for guidance, and still not knowing why I was so sad. Things were so good in my life that others were jealous of our family. After begging for help and much consideration, I simply decided to take singing lessons, to express myself through song. This brought me to a lighter, happier feeling.

An Answer

I took voice lessons, and soon, I wanted to record a song. So, I needed a backup singer. My teacher suggested a woman who was married to one of her students. Her name was Lynnzee. She was from California but had been in Canada for a while. Looking back at this, that from the first moment, I was very taken by Lynnzee's energy, which was very light, bright, positive and happy. She seemed different than anyone I had ever known, very attractive, not suffering. After we finished at the recording studio, I drove her back to the subway and I asked her what she did to stay so balanced. "Well," she said, "I have a spiritual teacher."

By chance, she had one of her spiritual teacher's books with her, pulled it out of her purse and put it on my lap while I was driving. As I looked down, I waved my hand over the first page twice, disturbed by the look of the teacher in the picture, standing half - naked with his staff, all this basically Hinduish look about it. In addition, the book was called "The Knee of Listening," a strange title. I wasn't keen on Eastern teachings, never read any of them. But while I felt offended, I was polite and said "Thank you."

Well, I took the book home with me and it was a month before I even opened it, which was odd, since I am hyperactive and want to do everything all at once. In fact, in the past, I would have finished the book in a day or two. But I didn't want to have anything to do with this one and it sat on my night table, waiting

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